A man was talking to his neighbor. "Guess what! I got a new BMW for my wife." The other man patted his friend on the shoulder. "Awesome," he said, "sounds like you made a pretty good trade!"
Although said in good humor, the neighbor's comment was a very dishonoring thing to say. Imagine how his wife might have felt if she'd overheard the sarcastic joke? What if she had just shared how worthless he makes her feel. Having then heard his cute comment—no matter how harmless its intent—might have seriously weakened their relationship.
When couples talk as friends, they can learn an enormous amount of information about each other. Think back to a time when you had a intimate conversation with your spouse. Perhaps you shared your dreams and life goals. If you felt safe, you might have talked about your insecurities or fears. As these kinds of personal feelings are expressed, couples can move into deeper intimacy. However, if this sensitive knowledge is not treated with care, something destructive can happen. My wife and I experienced this during a recent conflict.
Several weeks ago, she and I were on a date night. As we were eating at our favorite restaurant, my bride began sharing about how exhausted she can get while dealing with our two-year-old daughter all day. "Sometimes during the day," she explained, "I feel like I'm losing my mind." We ended up laughing about how frustrating parenting can be at times, and even referred to her as "crazy mama". However, on the way home, something happened that caused my wife to lose a small amount of trust in me as a friend. We were arguing about a sensitive issue when I tried to make a cute comment. I said the argument was her fault because she was insane. "Remember dinner?" I asked sarcastically, "You've already admitted that you're losing your mind!" Unfortunately, my comment was not very funny. Instead, it actually weakened our relationship. In the middle of an argument, I used something against her that she'd shared during an intimate conversation.
The Harmful Effects of Using Sensitive Information As Ammunition
Through intimate experiences as friends, we are able to learn new things about our mate that, if we are careless, can be used later when we feel more like adversaries. But the harmful effect of using this knowledge as ammunition is significant. Who is going to reveal private and sensitive information when it might be used against them during a conflict? The real tragedy of using sensitive knowledge as ammunition is that it can erode the trust that is necessary for open communication. In the blink of an eye, the security that was the foundation for expression of one's true self can be damaged. Sadly, it takes dedicated work to rebuild lost trust ripped away by thoughtless sarcasm like I used with my wife. The reason is simple. After an ice storm, have you ever attempted to walk down a frozen sidewalk? Although it's possible, there's always anxiety that a horrible fall might be right around the corner. What many couples fail to realize is that an absence of security in communication is like condemning a person to live on that ice-covered sidewalk. Your mate is never truly free to relax because she is continually fighting to keep her footing.
To protect intimate communication, we need to make a decision that shared feelings will never be used as ammunition during a conflict. This protection helps to build the trust and security needed for deep intimacy.
- The Smalley Relationship Center
A WORD FROM OUR PASTOR: NOT BEING A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR, LET ME SIMPLY SPEAK AS A PREACHER OF GOD'S WORD. SARCASM IS AN INSIDIOUS COMMUNICATIVE DISORDER THAT AFFLICTS EVEN THE MORE SPIRITUAL AMONG US. THE WORD ITSELF, IMPLIES AN INTENTIONAL INFLICTING OF PAIN BY USING WORDS WHICH DERIDE, TAUNT, OR RIDICULE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. LET IT BE SAID THAT THE CAUSTIC LANGUAGE OF SARCASM IS NEITHER HELPFUL NOR HOLY. IN FACT, MANY RELATIONSHIPS (marriages included) HAVE BEEN DAMAGED AND ULTIMATELY DESTROYED BY THE LACK OF SPIRITUAL RESTRAINT IN THIS AREA. IS IT NOT TRUE THAT IN A MOMENT OF STRESS OR DISTRESS THAT WE ARE APT TO EXPRESSING OURSELVES IN WAYS THAT DO NOT REFLECT AUTHENTIC CHRISTIANITY. REGRETTABLY THAT IS TRUE. USUALLY ONE PERSON INITIATES A SARCASTIC REMARK, THEN INSTEAD OF "RETURNING GOOD FOR EVIL" THE OTHER PERSON RECIPROCATES AS A MEANS OF RETALIATION, AND A FULL BLOWN VERBAL BARRAGE ENSUES. NEEDLESS TO SAY,THE CONSEQUENCES ARE BOTH DESTRUCTIVE AND DEVILISH. IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN A PARTICIPANT IN SUCH CRUEL AND CARNAL EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW I SPEAK THE TRUTH WHEN I SAY THAT THE AFTERMATH IS NOT A PLEASANT SITUATION.
WHO AMONG US HAS NEVER BEEN WOUNDED BY SARCASM? AS WELL, WHO AMONG US HAS NEVER WOUNDED ANOTHER WITH OUR USE OF SARCASM? SHOULD OUR PRAYER NOT BE, "O LORD ... HELP ME TO MAKE APPLICATION OF THE WORDS OF INSTRUCTION YOU GAVE ME IN EPHESIANS 4 ... WHERE I'M TOLD ... "LET NO CORRUPT COMMUNICATION PROCEED OUT OF (YOUR) MOUTH, BUT THAT WHICH IS GOOD TO THE USE OF EDIFYING, THAT IT MAY MINISTER GRACE UNTO THE HEARERS."
IS SARCASM ERODING YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOUR TESTIMONY? IF SO,LET IT STOP NOW !!! LET IT STOP RIGHT NOW !!!
